Wet and Rusting- Menomena

I crippled myself somehow.  I think I just sat in too many crappy chairs on Wednesday and I pulled a muscle in my neck.  It was a little humiliating.  I tried to sit up in bed Thursday morning and ended up screaming in pain till my mum came.  Lucky she was still home.  

But it's Friday now, and the rest and ice/heating pad seem to be helping.  I can just about turn my head to the left now.  I feel like a ballerina walking around lately because I have the best posture--not by choice, mind you, but still.

I was finally able to listen through music I loved during my time in Japan again today.  It took awhile, but I'm getting there.  Some great music.  When I put on certain songs, I can close my eyes and feel, smell, and see everything as if I were still there.  One of my favorite memories is laying on my bed in my apartment at 2 in the afternoon.  The sun would shine through the window just so I could lay in it.  I'd take cat naps.  Whenever I listen to Satellite Heart (Anya Marina), I can still feel the glow of the sun heating my body.  

I tried really hard to come back to America with a positive attitude-- to take it all in stride-- but I couldn't.  The loneliness that took me a while to get over in Japan returned with a vengeance. Oddly, it's taken me about the same amount of time to settle back in here as it took me to settle in over there.  March/April was the marker.  I went back to Japan after visiting home and something changed in me... like it's changing now.

I do hope that it's not like this every time I leave and come back home.  Maybe it's time I pick a place and call it home.  Guess we can test this theory next year if I make it to Sheffield.  

I really hope that works out.  I'm already kind of planning on it.  It'd be a bummer if it didn't work out.  But I think my brother said it best when he told me, "Maybe it's a blessing in disguise" after I didn't receive the Boren Scholarship.  That brother of mine is a real genius sometimes.  

Well, as far as Japanese studies goes, I'm a little bit of a step back.  I didn't pass 二級, but then I wasn't really expecting to.  4-5 months without speaking a word and then not studying before the exam, there was nothing for me to do but fail.  That's alright though.  I'll keep taking it and pass it eventually.  When I do, it will be the right time.  

The time right now is put-my-aching-body-to-bed-time, or 21:13.  G'night ladies.